I’ve been considering doing this for a while, but I didn’t envisage quite how difficult it would be to write my first post. Everything that sounds like an eloquent turn of phrase in my head just seems to come out onto the page as meaningless sludge; apparently it is exceptionally difficult to strike a tone that sounds at least passably similar to my speaking voice.
I’ve never blogged; I’m not really sure how to. When I was small I’m sure I thought that by the age of eighteen I would know everything there was to know – after all, adulthood means limitless and never-ending knowledge. Doesn’t it? Now, having just completed my first term as an undergraduate (and still feeling decidedly un-adult), I have realised there is a world of information out there – I have barely scratched the surface. I study English (words, far too many to put down here, cannot describe how much I love the study of language and literature), yet I am constantly made to feel fraudulent by the sheer quantity of books that I have not yet read. Music too – I have been seeing music live since I was thirteen years old, but as I tentatively dip my toe into the world of blogging, I am overwhelmed by the absolute wealth of informed musical writing there is out there. How do people have the time to know so much? How does everybody around me know more than I do?
The Christmas break gave me plenty of time to mull over what I considered (and, let’s face it, still consider) to be great inadequacies and defects in my nature. I felt like a fraud; someone who had got into university on sheer luck and should expect to be politely asked to leave any day now. I felt ignorant, useless and uninteresting. But – before this post descends into an account of whiny self-loathing, which I am quite sure none of you are remotely interested in – as my holiday draws to a close, the spirit of the new year has come upon me. Instead of focusing on what I do not know, I will purposefully set out to discover and fill in those gaps I feel myself to be lacking.
I am sure that this is going to take a lot of work before I get it right. But, hopefully, I’ll learn a little bit along the way.